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Monday, October 15, 2007

It's time for absurdity, here comes Pat!

Blender Magazine recently did an interesting article called The 40 Worst Lyricists in Rock. Sting came in #1, and other notable names on that list include Paul Stanley, Diane Warren, and Carly Simon, and David Crosby.

Conspicuous by his absence in the list is Train's remarkably unlikable singer, Pat Monahan. His lyrics are among the most laughable in music history, yet he is nowhere to be found in Blender's countdown.

I cannot let this oversight pass, so I now present "Classic Pat Monahan lyrics":

Daddy wrestles alligators,
Mama works on carburetors
Her brother is a fine mediator
For the president.
-"Meet Virginia"

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
-"Drops of Jupiter"

Tried to write a letter
To tell you how I feel
But all I kept on writing
Was slipping on the tears from the day
When I was young and brave
-"Let it Roll"

They call her Mississippi
But she don't flow to me

But she's cool like a soda can sittin' on ice
Always orders sushi, only eats the rice
Talks about J Lo like they're best of friends
I think she loves me, but it all depends
-"Save the Day"

I don't need nobody flyin' in my jet stream
Take the bus
Go on and get yourself your own dream
-"My Private Nation"

I got a sweet gig rakin' in the cash with karaoke
I get the crowd goin' when I sing the hokey pokey
I shake it to the left and then I shake it to the right
What's not to love, man I'm on tonight
I got the LA stylie with the New York trim
Keep my pants so low
It's like I'm goin' for a swim
I got the Coppertone tan, like in Mexico
Well, not now but when I go, yea

-"Save the Day"

Brace yourselves, kids... Pat has a solo record coming out soon!


Beth said...

Well said! I've never understood the relative longevity of Train. Shouldn't they have disappeared a couple of weeks after that first song was overplayed?

Scott said...

I concur!

BeckEye said...

I admit to liking a few Train songs. I had one of their CDs. I can't really remember which, because all of their songs kind of sound the same and I may have re-sold it. They had some inoffensive pop songs that were pleasant enough. I never really paid attention to the lyrics. Lucky for me!

I did pay attention to some of the "Drops of Jupiter" lyrics and thought that song was AWFUL. What was the line about deep-fried chicken and your best friend always sticking up for you? What does one have to do with the other??

Mike said...

Fuck you fuckers, Train rocks! They stand apart from talentless acts that all merge together like Fall Out Boy and All American Rejects, and Nickelback, and other terrible bands. They have creative, honest, heartfelt, and thought provoking songs. You simple minded fucks just listen to their songs and laugh because you're too retarded to understand that most of their songs use something called symbolism and metaphors to make connections with the listener on an issue, you know something that takes a talented songwriter to do and other bands like fuckin Taking Back Sunday, Plain White Tees, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and other homo mainstream bands CANNOT do! So all you fuckers can burn in hell, and if you think all of Train's songs sound alike then you're either retarded or you only have heard one or two of their songs. Buy their albums, their newest one was amazing, listen to them, and you'll realize you're stupid as fuck because they have extremely dynamic songs.

Sophie said...

Mike...I completely agree with you! Even though this was over 2 years ago, I still felt like supporting you on this!! I just saw Train under the Arch for 4th of July and I LOVED IT!