Blender Magazine recently did an interesting article called The 40 Worst Lyricists in Rock. Sting came in #1, and other notable names on that list include Paul Stanley, Diane Warren, and Carly Simon, and David Crosby.
Conspicuous by his absence in the list is Train's remarkably unlikable singer, Pat Monahan. His lyrics are among the most laughable in music history, yet he is nowhere to be found in Blender's countdown.
I cannot let this oversight pass, so I now present "Classic Pat Monahan lyrics":
Daddy wrestles alligators,
Mama works on carburetors
Her brother is a fine mediator
For the president.
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
-"Drops of Jupiter"
Tried to write a letter
To tell you how I feel
But all I kept on writing
Was slipping on the tears from the day
When I was young and brave
-"Let it Roll"
They call her Mississippi
But she don't flow to me
But she's cool like a soda can sittin' on ice
Always orders sushi, only eats the rice
Talks about J Lo like they're best of friends
I think she loves me, but it all depends
-"Save the Day"
I don't need nobody flyin' in my jet stream
Take the bus
Go on and get yourself your own dream
-"My Private Nation"
I got a sweet gig rakin' in the cash with karaoke
I get the crowd goin' when I sing the hokey pokey
I shake it to the left and then I shake it to the right
What's not to love, man I'm on tonight
I got the LA stylie with the New York trim
Keep my pants so low
It's like I'm goin' for a swim
I got the Coppertone tan, like in Mexico
Well, not now but when I go, yea
-"Save the Day"
Brace yourselves, kids... Pat has a solo record coming out soon!