I'll be (sort of) live blogging the 2008 American Music Awards tonight, but, quite frankly, this show isn't exciting enough for me to devote my full attention to, so I'll just check in from time to time as I multitask.
The AMAs are Dick Clark's awards show, and the one common thread throughout AMA history is that many of the nominees don't make any sense. Many artists who've stolen the show at the Grammys, like Alanis Morissette, Amy Winehouse, and Lauryn Hill, found themselves with zero AMA nominations during those same years.
Jimmy Kimmel is host.
And we're underway. Christina Aguilera is opening the show. If she's the biggest star they've got tonight, we're in trouble. She sings a medley of her biggest hits of the last 10 years. She mostly jumps around while her background singers take the choruses. Stupid.
This might be the highlight of the night - New Kids on the Block are here. Unfortunately, they're playing "Single," the song with a chorus that rips off N Sync's "Girlfriend." Now they move into "You Got It (The Right Stuff)." I'm back in middle school. That was pretty cool. NKOTB gets a partial standing ovation - Alicia Keys and Queen Latifah don't get off their asses, though.
Scott Weiland appears to introduce Pink. Weiland is having difficulty speaking. He is sober these days, right? Pink's voice sounds as strong as I've ever heard it, as she plays her new song "Sober."
Taylor Swift's lips aren't matching up with the sound. I think it's a production issue; I don't think she would lip synch.
Ooh, teen drama playing out before the cameras! "I might find someone someday who might actually treat me well," Taylor screams. Is this one of the songs she wrote about her Jonas Brother ex-boyfriend?
It's Miley Cyrus's 16th birthday, and she's playing some weird wannabe-badass song. "Fly On the Wall," apparently. It sounds like Pink-lite. I regret to say I'm digging it.
Ok, I've had it. They're giving Mariah Carey some bullshit award that is ostensibly some kind of lifetime achievement award. The thing is, they already did this in the late 90s, when they gave her their special achievement award of merit. The American Music Awards are total whores. They'll make up any award just to get someone big like Mariah to show up.
Rihanna wins pop female artist. This is her second award of the evening. If there's an artist that deserves to sweep the AMAs, it would be Rihanna.
The Fray are performing their new song. Does anyone care? The way this guy mumbles his words is really annoying me.
Kanye West wins his second award of the evening, then says he's giving it to Lil Wayne, who really deserved it. What a generous, selfless guy that Kanye fellow is!
Beyonce is performing. Does she have a new album? If so, I've been blissfully ignorant of it.
It's the Jonas Brothers! Woooooooooo!
So two of the brothers play guitar, and the other just sings. But during the long sections when it's not his turn to sing, he has to awkwardly stand there, or awkwardly dance around and make himself look busy. He's the new Robin Gibb!
The award of merit goes to Annie Lennox. How about that - a true artist being recognized! They even showed a clip of "Who's That Girl" and in the video montage. I'm a little stunned. She plays the exquisite ballad "Why" live. These five minutes made tonight's show all worth it.
Natasha Bedingfield, one of my favorites, is playing a medley of her hits. I'm not sure how she managed to get an invite, but good for her.
Motley Crue are presenting an award to Daughtry, who beat out Coldplay. Daughtry's bizarrely-shaped facial hair offends me.
It's Kanye's turn to perform. He plays "Heartless." The auto-tune is out of control in hip hop right now. They need to start reigning that shit in!
Oh, good God, Sarah McLachlan is playing "Angel." I thought I'd never have to hear that song live again! I love the song, but when she plays it live, it's interminable. Now Pink joins her to liven it up a little.
Artist of the Year goes to Chris Brown. He's dumbfounded. That makes two of us.
Alicia Keys closes the show. She brings out Queen Latifah, who proceeds to bring out Kathleen Battle. I'm sure 95% of the viewing audience is going, "Who?" I only know Kathleen as the woman who sang the opera vocals on Janet Jackson's "This Time."
Mercifully, it's over. Not very exciting, but at least there were no major embarrassments.